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Justin (@shitmydadsays) on Twitter

Att Yournastygirls C Women Your Nasty Girls %25C3%25A8%25C6%25CB%25C3%25C0%25C5%25AE Pt 1 Your Nasty Girls

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  • "No. I like talking, I just hate people. If I could find other shit to talk to, I'd be all for it." Pre-order new book bit.ly/I3iuqC
  • "No, you can be ugly and get laid. You just gotta be willing to screw someone uglier than you." Pre-order new book: bit.ly/I3iuqC
  • "You screw without rubbers, kids happen. Sorry-you dont get to have the dog without the dog shit. Pre-order new book: bit.ly/I3iuqC
  • "No. You don't even have hair on your balls." Story from my new book about asking my dad to explain sex when I was 9. bit.ly/isuckatgirls
  • "You're not going bald...No, I meant you're not GOING bald 'cause you're already fucking bald. Don't make me live in your fantasy land."
  • "Your favorite team doesn't give a fuck about you." A short story about my dad's thoughts on sports. grantland.com/story/_/id/765
  • "Valentine's day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over."
  • "These candidates are dog shit. All we're doing is picking out the dick that's going to fuck us."
  • A response to my dad's question, "What happens when they cancel a shitty TV show like yours?" grantland.com/blog/hollywood
  • My dad explains why he thinks internet comments will end the world. funnyordie.com/articles/32226
  • "I'm in Cincinnati at a waffle house that's across from 2 waffle houses. Everyone's fat. This city is fucking hall of fame of Diabetes."
  • "Bullshit. War ain't over till people stop shooting. You can't say you're done taking a crap if shit's still coming out of your ass."
  • "There won't be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain't a species made to last."
  • "Bullshit. Don't pretend you don't care about your birthday. It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by."
  • "You can't come...Because it's not a vacation if my family is with me. I could vacation in my fucking house if you people left it."